I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
