btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
