we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
