guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
