so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
