____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
