Small penises have feelings too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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