The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
