Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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