I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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