somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
