Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
