Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
