So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
