That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
