careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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