Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
