I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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