Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
