As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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