I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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