I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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