I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
