I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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