We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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