I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
