I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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