i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
