I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
