Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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