Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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