Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
