no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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