It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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