I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
