i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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