we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
