I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
