I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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