Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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