(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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