i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
