I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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