i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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