i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
