I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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