Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
