hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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