i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
