Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
try to milk me bitch
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